and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I party with great urgency now.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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