Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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