Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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