just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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