Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
accomplished twins. life is a go
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
