Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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