it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
