so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
