i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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