if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I just had sex on a roof
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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