i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
