Your face is a jimmy john
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
