But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
