"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
