Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
