garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
