I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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