How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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