I want to make a zoo with you.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
