I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
