happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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