I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
