I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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