True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
