a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
