i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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