i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
