BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
