everyone is single if you try hard enough
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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