I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
