Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
