i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
