Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
