The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
