6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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