I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Randomize
