I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm like, not good at living.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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