No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
