do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Randomize
