that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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