Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
