I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
