so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
