Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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