Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
