break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
