SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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