why didn't you poke me back
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I had to cum in my sink.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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