This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
