I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
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