Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Randomize
