wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
